One of my goals is to be a wife and mother. And, for me, as much as I want to share my life with a partner, being a mother is equally or more important. I'm fortunate that my career prepares me for this. Yes, you may be thinking... "What?!?!?" At this point, I work with college students every day, how the heck could that prepare me for parenthood?! Well... it's pretty simple. I get to watch parenting in effect every day. I also get to practice my listening and advice giving on a daily basis.
In the last year, I've made an effort to more carefully observe my students' parents and how they interact, what they say, and what they don't say. Some parents are unconditionally supportive, for some it's displayed only by their words, by others only by their actions, and by some it's displayed by both. Then, there are some parents who are self-centric. Their actions and/or words are focused only on their happiness, goals and values and not on the growth, development and happiness of their children. This is an empowering learning moment. I observe and I listen. I witness how much a student, a child, is built up or torn down by their parents' actions and words. I take notes on how I want to act and speak to my future children to empower them, encourage their success and support their happiness.
Then, there's the listening and advice piece. Listening is listening; and, it's an art. Whether my children are two and jabbering non-sense or twenty and facing facing adversity or recapping their day, I want to listen. I want to be engaged and demonstrate care and support through listening. I want to share advice when needed, but let my children guide themselves to 'right' decision for themself by having a listening ear let them talk through a situation and how they can and will move forward. I get to practice my listening skills daily. And, practicng the art of listening is something that will only aid me in being a better parent.
When I see the interactions between some of my students and their parents, my heart breaks. As they interact with their parents, I see some students sink into an unhappy place, hurt. They stay silent in the moment, but their body language, facial expressions and words (or lack thereof) speak loudly if you listen. Often I offer a listening ear and words of advice when asked.
My goal is a hope of instilling these lessons and skills into my own parenting. I hope the greatest gift I can give is to put children - my children - in a position where they get that attention, love and support from the most important source - their parent(s).
