Celebrating the End of a Chapter: Which chapter is harder to close?

Today someone asked me which one is harder... a foster child returning home after being their mom, even if for a short period of time, or seeing student-athletes graduate and move on to the next step in their life journey? That hit me hard. I decided it’s not a fair question because many people can’t truly comprehend one of those realities, let alone both options. ‬
‪There are many people that do not truly understand what it’s like to be a foster parent. I, or other foster parents, can tell you snippets of stories to describe a day in the life as a foster parent. The microscope ‬that’s on me is like nothing else; yes, including the front porch or fishbowl of college athletics. And, I don’t just have a kid or teen telling me they don’t like me when I make them shower or do homework or tell them theft or some other behavior isn’t acceptable. I also have a lot of other opinions and judgements being thrown my way from a wide range of people as I am trying to save a kid from drowning in one or many parts of their life. But, for many kids under my care, all they want is visits as often and as long as possible with their bio family and reunification as quickly as possible. These kids didn’t choose to live in foster care; given the choice, many would most likely pick living with any family and friends regardless of the opportunities or experiences I give them. And, if they are a “lucky one,” on the day they get to move home with a parent or parents, they are beyond happy and their excitement to officially be home far outweighs any tugging at their heartstrings about leaving me or the other people that have impacted them in recent months.
‪I know for many kids there will be lots of happiness and reasons to celebrate; but, I also know that for some the transition isn’t going to be all butterflies, rainbows and unicorns. I am happy to see kids go home, but it doesn’t mean I won’t miss them. I will miss them because they impacted me; they pushed me to learn and grow. Although the lessons learned may be different, I probably learned just as much from the kid(s), their parents and those that are watching me through the fishbowl as they learned from me. ‬
‪Likewise to foster care, there aren’t many people who know and understand what it’s like to work in a role where you have a front seat to see young adults walk in your office on their first day (or years before their first day on a campus visit) as a student-athlete and watch their continued learning, struggles, victories, defeats, self-exploration, and growth. The change, growth and lessons learned aren’t just academic or athletic, they’re emotional, mental, personal, social, individual and everything in between. It doesn’t matter what happens during their one semester or five years as a student-athlete, they don’t leave the same person as when they arrived. ‬
‪Seeing a student-athlete graduate is a cause for great celebration but it’s also hard... I see them walking the final steps in one of the many paths on their life journey. I know for many there will be great happiness and celebrations to follow; but, I also know that for some that transition isn’t going to be as smooth and picturesque. Graduation, transfer or leaving a team for any other path finds me wishing them well and praying for their future success, happiness and growth. I am happy to see them go and grow, but it doesn’t mean I won’t miss them. I will miss them because they impacted me; they pushed me to learn and grow. Although the lessons learned may have been different, I probably learn just as much from them as they learn from me. ‬
‪So, you tell me... which is easier? Sending a child you’ve cared for home or sending off student-athlete graduates that are ready for the next exciting step in their journey? ‬

Defining Moments: Why Do I Love My Job? Listen and God Will Answer.

Sometimes in a moment I am overcome by a wave of emotion as I realize the many reasons I love my job. And, more specifically, why it's not really a job, but rather why it's me being able to pursue my passion and live my values daily. 
Today I had one of those moments. It all started as I was thinking of a moment from yesterday that led to many connected thoughts and led to one of those defining 'ah ha' moments. 
The last event of the MWC Outdoor Track & Field Championships had just finished. A student-athlete from another team came in the Clerking Tent to grab her belongings. Before leaving, she went out of her way to come up to me to say, "thank you" for volunteering at the event, which provided her and the other student-athletes an opportunity to compete. I thanked her for her kind words and told her she was welcome although she didn't need to thank me. She extended her hand to shake mine. As I shook her hand, she reiterated again her appreciation for me and "everyone working" being there and being willing to spend several days helping at the meet. She thanked me for talking to her when she needed someone to talk to to calm her pre-race nerves; something I didn't even realize I did for her. She ended by saying that "people like you who help extra" mean a lot to her and her college experience. 
Before this student-athlete and after her, there were many other student-athletes that said thank you and expressed their appreciation to me and many other meet staff and volunteers. However, the interaction with this one specific student-athlete was the catalyst to one of my defining moments. 
I love my job because it embraces my values, which allows me to embrace it with appreciation and an open heart. 
Relationships. Service. Support. Passion and loving what you do. This is what it's all about for me. (And, of course, faith, integrity and respect.) 
I love my job because of the relationships. No, relationships doesn't mean you're best friends with everyone you cross paths with. But, does mean that you interact with many people and build and nurture relationships with many of them. Every relationship gives you the opportunity to grow. And, many relationships allow you to show support, have a positive impact, and grow through love. Some relationships allow you to support and serve others. Some allow you to be supported and served. And, a lot of times, you're blessed enough to experience relationships that provide both - giving and receiving support and service. 
In my role, I'm lucky to have relationships with student-athletes (and sometimes their families), co-workers and others in the community. It's what makes me embrace the reality of the Aggie Family. It's more than a concept or idea; it's lived by many as we support each other, help each other and love each other. Because we're a family and can live life outside of silos, we can also help each other. We can come together to support and serve others. This weekend has been an amazing example of that. And, for that matter, the last month and last seven years have been examples of that. 
This weekend, the Aggie Family was out in full force. I think it's safe to say the MWC Outdoor Track & Field Championships would not have been what it was had it not been for the village of volunteers that are part of the Aggie Family. Student-athletes from several sports, athletic department staff, donors and others from the Aggie Family volunteered to help at the event. They volunteered to help with any task or job that needed done to host an event that would allow student-athletes and teams to enjoy a championship event that will positively impact their collegiate experience, as well ask event that's welcoming and engaging for parents, fans and others. I, like many others, volunteered to help our fellow athletic department staff that needed a helping hand to serve our student-athletes and other teams in a way that creates a positive, meaningful event for them. My staff and I have been on the receiving end of the help and support from other staff many times as others helped with USTARS, attended Whitesides or grad breakfast, and other events that are hosted for our student-athletes to engage them and enhance their experience. We willingly help and support each other so we can all best serve and support our student-athletes. 
Relationships. Service. Support. They all co-exist in fulfilling my passion of positively impacting other's lives. They all align with my personal philosophy and mission of utilizing relationships based on unconditional love, trust and support to help others grow daily and find success whether it be through triumph or adversity. I am fortunate to see all of this connect and come full circle whether it be through helping at a conference championship or daily interactions with student-athletes in my office, at meetings and in passing. 

[I thought a lot about everything written above on a drive to Salt Lake City. On the way there, I stopped at Barnes & Noble where I read a few excerpts from the book "When God Winks at You: How God Speaks to You Through the Power of Coincidence." The excerpts talked about the how God communicates with us daily through situations and interactions. When I read it, I thought of the student-athlete that served as a catalyst in my recent defining moment. I now knew yesterday was a moment that God "winked" at me and reaffirmed my current path and defined direction. 
After arriving in Salt Lake, I sat on a bench in Trolley Square scribbling out all these thoughts in a small notebook. Realizing that God had "winked" at me, made me feel very compelled to get my thoughts down. I finished writing the reflection shared above just before attending church service at Antioch. The sermon was titled, "Can You Hear Me Now?" I took notes as the pastor, JR, talked about the three ways to hear from God and five filters to get there in the same small notebook that held my reflection. Then, came the closing thoughts of this sermon. It was another "wink." I was there to hear that message for a reason. And, I heard it loud and clear. 
JR explained... We are meant to enter into relationships - with God and with others. And, to have strong relationships and actively pursue our faith, we must have communication which requires actively listening to what we are hearing from God and others. And, we must have those strong relationships with communication to be able to serve and support others and for others to serve and support us.
Cue the tears. It all really came full circle. As I was reflecting before I walked into that sermon, my final thought was, "The only thing really missing in this defining moment for me is faith. But, maybe it was there somewhere." Listen intently and actively. God will answer. And, he'll continue to answer.
At the end of the closing worship song, a final announcement was made about Mother's Day. They talked about wanting to honor the mother's heart that's in all women. And, that a mother's heart serves others, supports others, and unconditionally loves others. They invited every woman to grab a flower on the way out, because some of us are mother's or will become mothers through birth, fostering or adoption. Again, I got an answer. I had thought and prayed about foster care and foster-to-adopt a lot. And, I felt and knew it was what I needed to do. So, I started the process without hearing it's what I was called to do. Then, today, for the second time in a matter of minutes God answered.]

Turn the Tassel & Say Goodbye

Life has a cycle... especially when you work in higher education. A new year starts and new people arrive. You rotate from one sports season and semester to the next. And, before you know it, it's commencement weekend. You celebrate the 4 to 5 year academic accomplishments of the graduates and say your goodbyes. Then, you catch your breath and prepare for new students to arrive in what seems like a few short weeks. 

There's a key to this cycle... relationships. As you go through each year, you build relationships. Some are stronger than others. Some are based on trust and love. Some are based on necessity. And, as you move from one year to another, so do many of the students, so those relationships continue to grow throughout their journey. 

Here's what I've learned. If you aren't in the relationship business, this life isn't for you and the cycle is lost on and with you. The other lesson that goes with this... the longer you live this life, the harder it is to say goodbye. But, it's important to realize, that's actually a blessing in disguise. Why? Because that means you were committed to building relationships. It means that you've dedicated yourself to serving others through trust, love and desire for them to succeed in meeting their goals. For many it goes without saying that one of their goals is to finish their tenure ready to pursue their dreams and passions, which more often than not involves walking across a stage in cap and gown, turning a tassel and moving away. This means, you say goodbye.

Goodbye means something different for everyone. For some, it means a sincere hand written note, for others it's a hug and tears, and for many it's seeing college life disappear into the distance through the rearview mirror with no words shared. In some cases, goodbye is really more of a see you later or talk to you soon. But, for many, there's no intention of reconnecting. 

This journey you're a part of, you have to understand it's not your own. As the cycle is completed, you have to accept that many students you commit time, energy and love to building relationships with will proudly walk across the stage, but you may not get a thank you or farewell. You many know struggles, secrets and dreams not shared with others, and that's your part in their journey. But, your part in their journey does not mean you've earned a goodbye you may want. It's not your story; it's theirs. Let them write their story and finish this cycle in their own way. 

Be confident that each thank you, kind word and thoughtful gesture along the way shows their gratitude for the role you've played in this chapter of their story. The cycle can be complete without a spoken goodbye. And, a goodbye doesn't mean a relationship has ended or your part in someone's journey has come to an end. So, share your congratulations and cheer on their continued pursuit of life goals and success. 

Bedtime Prayers and Praises & Morning Wake-ups

If I were living a life completely unfiltered, tonight this is what I'd tweet:  

Tonight I'll miss bedtime praises & prayers. Tomorrow I'll miss the wake-up duties. Every day I'll be thankful for the days I can do these. 

This weekend, I was one of many leaders that accompanied Alpine youth to Winterfest. I love the role and always try to be "that" leader that does the morning and bedtime routine that most junior high and senior high kid roles their eyes at. But, we do the routine my way -- we really change it up from the shouting of "LIGHTS OUT" before a blanket of dark and "TIME TO GET UP!" accompanied by a flash of light. 

Bedtime praises and prayers. Everyone shares. We always start with praise -- a positive moment or best part of our day. We always share a prayer -- what we hope the next day will bring or what biblical message spoke to us the most that day. We listen. We engage in each other's journey from their perspective. 

Wake-up calls. They aren't agressive or angry... at least not to start. A gentle rub on the shoulder, back or arm with a whisper of, "Good morning, [fill in name]. It's time to wake up." Second round, still a soft voice and gentle touch to wake the kids. Then, window open or light on. We embrace the day and many moments and experiences to follow. 

Many people fail to seize the opportunity to create an environment of calm positivity to unwind and reflect on the day before bedtime. And, not many take advantage of being the calm positivity that others start a new day with. Like I said, I love this role. It's not one I get to fill often. So, I seize the opportunity when it's given. 

Living "Life Unfiltered"

A little less than a year ago, the phrase "Life Unfiltered" hit home more than ever before. In a lot of moments and situations, I pause to think about that phrase and how being honest, or unfiltered, would impact the power of a moment. I think about how being unfiltered affects relationships and communication.

Let's be real. Anyone who KNOWS me is not surprised that in the first few sentences I used the words relationships and communication. If anything, if you KNOW me, you're surprised it took that long for one or both to be referenced. 

It was the first week of school. Everyone is back from the winter break. Emotions are mixed. People are happy to see the 'family' they've created and been away from during the holidays. People are sad to leave their 'family' at home and go back to campus life. Anxiety over what the demands of the next semester or life after the next semester is high. Every day during the week, I was thinking about "Life Unfiltered" for a variety of reasons.  

Me. I know I'm not the best about living unfiltered. Not the best sharer of my life. Listening to others and encouraging them to be unfiltered is far more in my comfort level. (Again, don't think any of this is too surprising.) So, during the week, I took to Instagram and posted the following with a photo: 

"Everyone sees what you appear to be, few experience what you really are." 🌻 Who really knows you? Have you actually let anyone experience what you really are? #foodforthought 

That was about all I could 'say' to express my thoughts during the first week. It was about all I could 'say' to express that I acknowledge I don't live all parts of my life unfiltered. There's a lot I share openly and willingly. But, I know it's enough to get by and not have to share some of the real and deep thoughts and feelings. I'll be straight up; this is not me professing that I'm about to be unfiltered with everything. But, I will say, I've become better about being unfiltered.

If I'm asked a question one-on-one with someone that's made an effort to invest in a relationship and has expressed the value of relationships, trust, honest and such in words, actions or both, I share. I don't profess from the rooftops, but I will share. And, some of my close friends have gotten those random, out-of-the-blue texts about my life and feelings. They get the unfiltered because they have invested in our relationship and they have open communcation with me. They share parts of their life with me through an unfiltered lens. 

I promise there is a point. And, you may have guessed, it all boils down to four words. Life Unfiltered. Communication. Relationships. 

Relationships are foundational to our life. Invest and engage in your relationships with others. Give of yourself. Listen. Ask questions. Have conversations. Spend time together. Enjoy others company. 

Communication happens so many ways. Engage and invest however you are comfortable. Listen to what's said and not said. Ask questions. Text. Send mail. Use social media. And after every one of those, you can insert listen and ask questions again. 

Build trust and be honest. Without these, many of us (me included) are not comfortable with sharing "Life Unfiltered" with anyone. As you build relationships and you communicate, be unfiltered. Share your highs and celebrate with others. Share your lows and accept support from others. Share the in between. And, through it all, love and let yourself be loved. 

--

"Life Unfiltered" hit home with the release of stories centered around Madison Holleran. With a new semester starting and having just come back from time with family, I was thinking about "Life Unfiltered." Then, Kate Fagan's newest article on ESPNW was published. The timing was perfect and gave the reasurance and reminder that I needed. 

Split Image article by Kate Fagan

Life, Instagramed video by ESPN

A Necessary Resolution to Share the Real Story Behind My Social Media Moments by Kate Fagan 

Just Making It

This is the sermonette I used in last week's FCA meeting.

Narrative:

Spring Break is just around the corner. I think it’s safe to say that many of us our counting down the days, because we know the week will hold time for family, naps, sleeping in, a break from classes, a break from workouts and everything else that’s exciting and relaxing. Some of us may also have already started a similar countdown til the end of the semester… there is so much to be excited for in the summer. When I was in college, and even still today, I rely on the break and associated activities to re-energize me. As you start the countdown, how many of you think, 'If I can just make it through the next 5 days, I will be fine.'

Take a step back. Think about what we’re relying on. If we’re just making it, we’re relying on the upcoming break or activities to carry us through the week. And, therefore, we are not relying on the Lord. So, basically, we’re trusting in the upcoming sleep, family visits, break from school, and other relaxing and fun activities planned MORE THAN we’re trusting in God.

So… what’s wrong with this?! God wants our full attention and for us to completely trust in Him—to understand that He alone can bring meaning to our lives. We don’t have to rely on an activity or circumstances; we can simply “get by” with Him alone.

In John 14:1, Jesus says, “Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust alone in me.” He tells us we don’t have to look to outside sources to provide our purpose and comfort.

There are two important promises from God we need to keep in mind…

1.) HE IS ALWAYS WITH US.

In Jeremiah 29:11, we are reminded that God promises that He will be with us through all things and that He has a plan for us. No matter how hard our situations are or what we are going through, God is there, always guiding us. And, in Isaiah 43:2, He tells us he will guide us and will not leave us when things get hard by saying, "When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.”

When we feel as if we need to just make it to the next thing, when we have to make difficult decisions, and in other trying times, God is with us and He has a perfect plan us. All you have to do is trust in Him, which brings the 2^nd important promise…

2.) HE CAN BE TRUSTED.

We can trust God because He never lies. Never. Numbers 23:19 says, “God is not a man, that he should lie, nor a son of man, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill?” Since God never lies, we can trust His Word and that He is our shepherd and strength.

With Spring Break upcoming, I thought this week would be a good reminder that we should not being trying to ‘just make it’ through. We should embrace each day that is gifted to us and remember that God’s plan for us is perfect.

Discussion Questions:

1. Have you caught yourself just trying to make it through til Spring Break or in other situations or times of the year?

2. What can you do or do you already actively try to do to better embrace today and thrive in the moment?

3. Do you have an example of how you were just trying to make it through, but were reminded that God was in control and had the perfect plan for you?

Rephrase:  How does this concept of just making it through resonate with you? 

I Said. I Say. I Know.

I cannot wait til I'm done with college, I said.
I will never work in education, I said. 
I will be a career, suit-wearing woman, I said. 
I will never work with students, I said. 
Soccer mom, yes; recess, no thanks, I said.
I will never teach, I said. 

Cannot, will not, never, no thanks. 
Can do, will do, always, yes please. 

Started college, been on a campus ever since, I say.
Higher education defines my life, I say.
A non-suit-wearing career is best, I say. 
Love working with students every day, I say. 
Soccer mom, not quite; recess and play days, please, I say. 
We all teach every day, I say. 

Can do, will do, always, yes please. 
Cannot, will not, never, no thanks. 

Not leaving campus life anytime soon, I know.
My education and learning will never end, I know. 
The importance of my career is not defined by garb, I know.
I will never be without 'students,' I know. 
Time will tell, I know.
He will not fail me and will guide me, I know.