Living "Life Unfiltered"

A little less than a year ago, the phrase "Life Unfiltered" hit home more than ever before. In a lot of moments and situations, I pause to think about that phrase and how being honest, or unfiltered, would impact the power of a moment. I think about how being unfiltered affects relationships and communication.

Let's be real. Anyone who KNOWS me is not surprised that in the first few sentences I used the words relationships and communication. If anything, if you KNOW me, you're surprised it took that long for one or both to be referenced. 

It was the first week of school. Everyone is back from the winter break. Emotions are mixed. People are happy to see the 'family' they've created and been away from during the holidays. People are sad to leave their 'family' at home and go back to campus life. Anxiety over what the demands of the next semester or life after the next semester is high. Every day during the week, I was thinking about "Life Unfiltered" for a variety of reasons.  

Me. I know I'm not the best about living unfiltered. Not the best sharer of my life. Listening to others and encouraging them to be unfiltered is far more in my comfort level. (Again, don't think any of this is too surprising.) So, during the week, I took to Instagram and posted the following with a photo: 

"Everyone sees what you appear to be, few experience what you really are." 🌻 Who really knows you? Have you actually let anyone experience what you really are? #foodforthought 

That was about all I could 'say' to express my thoughts during the first week. It was about all I could 'say' to express that I acknowledge I don't live all parts of my life unfiltered. There's a lot I share openly and willingly. But, I know it's enough to get by and not have to share some of the real and deep thoughts and feelings. I'll be straight up; this is not me professing that I'm about to be unfiltered with everything. But, I will say, I've become better about being unfiltered.

If I'm asked a question one-on-one with someone that's made an effort to invest in a relationship and has expressed the value of relationships, trust, honest and such in words, actions or both, I share. I don't profess from the rooftops, but I will share. And, some of my close friends have gotten those random, out-of-the-blue texts about my life and feelings. They get the unfiltered because they have invested in our relationship and they have open communcation with me. They share parts of their life with me through an unfiltered lens. 

I promise there is a point. And, you may have guessed, it all boils down to four words. Life Unfiltered. Communication. Relationships. 

Relationships are foundational to our life. Invest and engage in your relationships with others. Give of yourself. Listen. Ask questions. Have conversations. Spend time together. Enjoy others company. 

Communication happens so many ways. Engage and invest however you are comfortable. Listen to what's said and not said. Ask questions. Text. Send mail. Use social media. And after every one of those, you can insert listen and ask questions again. 

Build trust and be honest. Without these, many of us (me included) are not comfortable with sharing "Life Unfiltered" with anyone. As you build relationships and you communicate, be unfiltered. Share your highs and celebrate with others. Share your lows and accept support from others. Share the in between. And, through it all, love and let yourself be loved. 

--

"Life Unfiltered" hit home with the release of stories centered around Madison Holleran. With a new semester starting and having just come back from time with family, I was thinking about "Life Unfiltered." Then, Kate Fagan's newest article on ESPNW was published. The timing was perfect and gave the reasurance and reminder that I needed. 

Split Image article by Kate Fagan

Life, Instagramed video by ESPN

A Necessary Resolution to Share the Real Story Behind My Social Media Moments by Kate Fagan 

Just Making It

This is the sermonette I used in last week's FCA meeting.

Narrative:

Spring Break is just around the corner. I think it’s safe to say that many of us our counting down the days, because we know the week will hold time for family, naps, sleeping in, a break from classes, a break from workouts and everything else that’s exciting and relaxing. Some of us may also have already started a similar countdown til the end of the semester… there is so much to be excited for in the summer. When I was in college, and even still today, I rely on the break and associated activities to re-energize me. As you start the countdown, how many of you think, 'If I can just make it through the next 5 days, I will be fine.'

Take a step back. Think about what we’re relying on. If we’re just making it, we’re relying on the upcoming break or activities to carry us through the week. And, therefore, we are not relying on the Lord. So, basically, we’re trusting in the upcoming sleep, family visits, break from school, and other relaxing and fun activities planned MORE THAN we’re trusting in God.

So… what’s wrong with this?! God wants our full attention and for us to completely trust in Him—to understand that He alone can bring meaning to our lives. We don’t have to rely on an activity or circumstances; we can simply “get by” with Him alone.

In John 14:1, Jesus says, “Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust alone in me.” He tells us we don’t have to look to outside sources to provide our purpose and comfort.

There are two important promises from God we need to keep in mind…

1.) HE IS ALWAYS WITH US.

In Jeremiah 29:11, we are reminded that God promises that He will be with us through all things and that He has a plan for us. No matter how hard our situations are or what we are going through, God is there, always guiding us. And, in Isaiah 43:2, He tells us he will guide us and will not leave us when things get hard by saying, "When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.”

When we feel as if we need to just make it to the next thing, when we have to make difficult decisions, and in other trying times, God is with us and He has a perfect plan us. All you have to do is trust in Him, which brings the 2^nd important promise…

2.) HE CAN BE TRUSTED.

We can trust God because He never lies. Never. Numbers 23:19 says, “God is not a man, that he should lie, nor a son of man, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill?” Since God never lies, we can trust His Word and that He is our shepherd and strength.

With Spring Break upcoming, I thought this week would be a good reminder that we should not being trying to ‘just make it’ through. We should embrace each day that is gifted to us and remember that God’s plan for us is perfect.

Discussion Questions:

1. Have you caught yourself just trying to make it through til Spring Break or in other situations or times of the year?

2. What can you do or do you already actively try to do to better embrace today and thrive in the moment?

3. Do you have an example of how you were just trying to make it through, but were reminded that God was in control and had the perfect plan for you?

Rephrase:  How does this concept of just making it through resonate with you? 

I Said. I Say. I Know.

I cannot wait til I'm done with college, I said.
I will never work in education, I said. 
I will be a career, suit-wearing woman, I said. 
I will never work with students, I said. 
Soccer mom, yes; recess, no thanks, I said.
I will never teach, I said. 

Cannot, will not, never, no thanks. 
Can do, will do, always, yes please. 

Started college, been on a campus ever since, I say.
Higher education defines my life, I say.
A non-suit-wearing career is best, I say. 
Love working with students every day, I say. 
Soccer mom, not quite; recess and play days, please, I say. 
We all teach every day, I say. 

Can do, will do, always, yes please. 
Cannot, will not, never, no thanks. 

Not leaving campus life anytime soon, I know.
My education and learning will never end, I know. 
The importance of my career is not defined by garb, I know.
I will never be without 'students,' I know. 
Time will tell, I know.
He will not fail me and will guide me, I know. 

A Mixed Bag of Blessings and Reliving the Good 'ol Days

Find a career you're passionate about and that you love. Do this and they say you'll never work a day in your life. I'm all about filling my day with work I'm passionate about, but (despite what some students might think) I'm just as much or more about having fun. Today's work fun was a trip down memory lane... 

It's not atypical that I take college student-athletes to visit elementary schools for assemblies, classroom reading visits, play days and literacy events. Today, as is true of every month, I took a group of students to an awards lunch for students that met their reading goals. The difference today... it was snowing. So, of course, I had to wear my snow boots with my dress pants, which per the fashion assessment by the college students was NOT the best look. After lunch, we proceeded to the playground like normal. By the end of recess, I was running around in the snowfall playing tag with the elementary students and student-athletes. How often does someone with an office job get to return to lunch recess to play tag in the snow after they graduate 5th grade?! "Never" might be a better response than "not often." Today was not only a trip down memory lane, but fun. Laughing at each other, with each other and at ourselves. It was one for the books. 

--

Some days I wish I had the time to countdown the minutes til 5 p.m. Those days are the ones like today. The days when I'm trying to cram as much as I can into my day so I can try my very best to leave by 8 p.m. and limit the day's work hours to 12. Needless to say, I don't have the opportunity to be 'bored' while at work. Some days are all smiles, laughs and good times. Other days, however, are a mixed bag. Smiles and laughter one moment, tears and tissue the next. There's unrealistic time demands, story times by many, and high-stress situations running amuck. These are the days you pray would end quickly. These are the days you ask for a reminder about the important things in life. 

Today, my reminder of the important things... a video of my two year old godson singing "Jesus Loves Me" as he was getting ready for bed. Not just a reminder, but a blessing in so many ways. 

--

You typically don't spell "cool kids" in high school with "AP US History." But, let's face it... at Prosser High School, AP US History meant you were in Mr. D's class. Being in Mr. D's class meant you were on the "cool kids" list. Being a DC Mustang with Mr. D solidied your spot on that list. Really, being a DC Mustang simply means you had a once in a lifetime opportunity to visit our nation's capital with 70 classmates during Spring Break. 

Today Mr. D posted on Facebook: "OK DC Mustangs veterans, share one of your most memorable/ funny memories of the trip you went on!" At the day's end, over 60 comments and memories were left. Reading through the comments was a great opportunity to relive the good 'ol high school days and be reminded about all the lessons and experiences DC Mustangs provided. After 10 years, I figured it was okay to let some of our truly greatest memories and TOP secrets be made known to Mr. D. Like the fact that the bedframe in one room was broken because too many people were jumping on the bed. But, it was nothing the guys couldn't fix with a little duct tape and pillows. But, then there was also seeing Michael Jordan play in his last professional basketball season. And, having the Secret Service make our whole group back-up from the White House baracade because the exchange student with the group started climbing the fence at the White House. 

--

Appreciate the memories. Fill your life with fun. And, relive the good 'ol days when you have the opportunity. 

A Listening Ear

I'm fortunate to be in a career that fills my days with the opportunity to always be learning. On a daily basis, I have conversations about setting goals and focusing on what's important - you have to state it before you can work towards it and achieve it. I believe it's important to practice what you preach, so I'm constantly reassessing my goals and how I'm achieving them. I do this not only for my own benefit, but so I can share practical examples. 

One of my goals is to be a wife and mother. And, for me, as much as I want to share my life with a partner, being a mother is equally or more important. I'm fortunate that my career prepares me for this. Yes, you may be thinking... "What?!?!?" At this point, I work with college students every day, how the heck could that prepare me for parenthood?! Well... it's pretty simple. I get to watch parenting in effect every day. I also get to practice my listening and advice giving on a daily basis.

In the last year, I've made an effort to more carefully observe my students' parents and how they interact, what they say, and what they don't say. Some parents are unconditionally supportive, for some it's displayed only by their words, by others only by their actions, and by some it's displayed by both. Then, there are some parents who are self-centric. Their actions and/or words are focused only on their happiness, goals and values and not on the growth, development and happiness of their children. This is an empowering learning moment. I observe and I listen. I witness how much a student, a child, is built up or torn down by their parents' actions and words. I take notes on how I want to act and speak to my future children to empower them, encourage their success and support their happiness. 

Then, there's the listening and advice piece. Listening is listening; and, it's an art. Whether my children are two and jabbering non-sense or twenty and facing facing adversity or recapping their day, I want to listen. I want to be engaged and demonstrate care and support through listening. I want to share advice when needed, but let my children guide themselves to 'right' decision for themself by having a listening ear let them talk through a situation and how they can and will move forward. I get to practice my listening skills daily. And, practicng the art of listening is something that will only aid me in being a better parent. 

When I see the interactions between some of my students and their parents, my heart breaks. As they interact with their parents, I see some students sink into an unhappy place, hurt. They stay silent in the moment, but their body language, facial expressions and words (or lack thereof) speak loudly if you listen. Often I offer a listening ear and words of advice when asked. 

My goal is a hope of instilling these lessons and skills into my own parenting. I hope the greatest gift I can give is to put children - my children - in a position where they get that attention, love and support from the most important source - their parent(s). 

Life Advice: What's Most Important?

You have to give others you care about 5 pieces of life advice. What would you tell them? What's most important? It's okay... take a minute to think. 

First, listen. If you are willing to listen, you'll be amazed by the things you learn - facts, perspectives, perceptions and realities. The greatest gift you can give others is a listening ear. The best advice you give others all too often comes from your silent, attentive listening when they can rationalize and process their own thoughts and feelings.

Second, support and care. Give those you care about most - your 'family' - unconditional, non-judgemental support. More importantly that willingness to support is telling others you care. Let others know you love them and want the best for them. Let them know you're willing to listen and spend time with them. 

Third, attentiveness and being actively engaged. We live a world where attentiveness is a dying art form. How often are you with others while they are consumed by social media, their phone or other technology? Be attentive to the people you're with and the opportunity you have to develop meaningful relationships with others. You'd be amazed at what you can learn by being actively engaged with those around you - on-campus, at dinner, etc. Yes, you can be actively engaged with your phone; but, the harsh reality is that a phone is not capable of a 'real' relationship. 

Four and five are works in progress... taking time to think. 

Ever Wonder...

Ever wonder if people would notice if you didn't show up?

As you start to wonder, many more self-doubting thoughts enter your mind.

Do people even notice I am there? 

Do people even care if I am present?

Do people recognize the time I sacrifice to always be there?

Do people need the support as much as they think?

Do people want the support as much as they say?

What would people think if I did not show up? 

What would people say if I did not show up?

How would people feel if I did not show up?

And, the thoughts continue, on and on. 

But, stop. Think for just a second. Take it back to the start. 

Will people even notice if you didn't show up?