Brand Yourself to be a Leader

I wrote the below message as the weekly leadership message for my soccer team. It's something I discuss in pieces and parts with lots of people I interact with; but, like the way the below written discussion summed up everything. ENJOY!
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Brand Yourself to be a Leader

You hold a position that no one else ever has or ever will. You are the CEO of your personal brand. You have the power and responsibility to develop and define your own brand. Your personal brand represents: WHO you are, what you STAND for, and what you want to be KNOWN for. It remains consistent and guides you through all aspects of your life – personal, professional, athletic and social. 

Where do you start? Your Foundation. At the most basic level, your foundation encompasses your core values, personal mission/philosophy, and future plans and goals. Your foundation defines how you lead yourself day-to-day.

Like an iceberg, your foundation should be solid and established, but not everything is visible to every passerby.  As a leader on your team, within athletics, at the university, and in the community, what is most often visible? Your behaviors, language and actions. And, let’s not forget about your social media!

If you’re a leader, what should you remember?

      *You cannot lead others if you cannot lead yourself.
      *Part of leading is being self-aware, knowing your values and beliefs… 
         knowing your brand!
      *Don’t be a leader by convenience. Be a leader everywhere at all times.

Make the choice. Take action. Brand yourself to be a leader.

 “YOU” and “Aggies”

As is true in life outside of athletics, you often times represent your brand of “YOU” and the brand of an outside organization that you are integrally involved in. As you leave Utah State, it will most likely be your employer. But, in the here and now, you represent the “Aggie” brand too.

Your brand and “Aggies” should be like two people holding hands. They are connected and intertwined. As you lead yourself through behaviors, words and actions, you are leading your teammates. Your leadership is also representing your team, athletics and Utah State. As our Athletic Director always says, Athletics is the front porch of Utah State. So, as you brand yourself through your foundation and social media, keep in mind it’s proudly being displayed on Utah State’s front porch – even when the lights are off! 

"Today you are You, that is truer than true. 

There is no one alive who is Youer than You." 

~Dr. Seuss

Graduation Gift: Power of a Note

This is exactly what I wrote, yes handwritten, to my twin cousins for their high school graduation gift. I included a box of blank thank you notes with my directions and card. The last one is very specific to them, but I usually detail a sibling, parent, etc when I do this for others. 

This is not your typical graduation gift. It will require thought, reflection and work. Despite the extra effort, this gift has the great potential for personal reward and positively impacting others.

First, make sure you read, “A Few Things You Should Know.” Then, open the “Directions” envelop to reveal the real gift.

Congratulations on all you’ve accomplished. Good luck in your next journey. If you fall down, stand back up. If you need help, don’t hesitate to ask. If you need a listening ear, call.

Love you lots! 

A Few Things You Should Know...

1. The most important thing in life is RELATIONSHIPS.
2. There are two things in life you can control… your attitude and how hard you work. Always control the controllable.
3. The power of a personal note is limitless. Harness this power and use it for good.
4. In life there are no mulligans, but there are lessons to be learned. Take advantage of the opportunity to grow during every celebration and struggle.

Directions

The gift. Now is when the work begins. You can read the directions now, but you should sit down when you can focus on this undistracted. Put your heart into it.

You are going to write a personal note to the individuals below. Get their addresses and get a few stamps. You’re going to need them. Your notes should be genuine, heartfelt and honest. Don’t hold back.

1. A Mentor. This should be someone who has been an incredible, powerful guide in your life. They have helped you become the person you are and supported you as you pursue your goals. Tell them the impact they’ve had in and on your life.
2. A Best Friend. Really think about who this person is. It should be a person you can be completely open and honest with. It should be someone that’s seen you at your best and worst. It should be someone that you may not always agree with, but if they’re in trouble you’ll rush to help. It should be someone you can go a day, a week, a year without seeing, yet you would have no hesitation picking up the phone to celebrate or cry. Tell your Best Friend the role they play in your life; declare your relationship. This note should not be surface level.
3. Your Sister. No arguing or eye rolling; I get to make the rules. Whether or not you like each other every minute of every day, you unconditionally love each other. You have an incredible ability to influence each other’s lives. A positive message from your sister can build you up and help you achieve new heights. A negative word or name from your sister can tear you down quicker than whispers or shouts from any other person. For the first time ever, you’re about to part ways. Write your sister a personal note. Something for her to read when you cannot see her reaction – whether it be after leaves on her new adventure or starts her first day of school. This should be something she can look back at after a rough day and truly ‘feel the love.’ Make it meaningful. Share the love.

Heart of the Family

It's everyone's favorite end of spring, beginning of summer weekend -- Memorial Day! 

This favorite weekend is all about camping, BBQs and an extra day off work. Well, not quite... It's a day of remembrance. It's a day to celebrate the lives of those that live on in your heart.

This weekend is significant - it's the 8 year anniversary of my maternal grandparents' memorial service and the first of the Jeffries clan's Dumping Festivities family adventures. 

My mom's parents passed away only a few days apart in February of my freshman year at college. It was a tough time for the family; but, we celebrated my grandparents per their orders... together over a Tour de Oregon vacation with several memorial ash dumping stops along the way. We had a joint memorial service at the church my grandfather had been a pastor at to start the weekend. We then made the journey to several places where my grandparents wanted to have their ashes spread. [A quick story on "spreading" those ashes below.] It was an amazing trip because we were surrounded by family and love the whole long weekend. And, how better to honor and remember my grandparents than on Memorial Day weekend. The weekend was truly about bringing the family together and sharing our love for one another. As appointed by my grandfather  and my aunts and uncle, I coordinated our memorial trip. It was my assigned and assumed role to be the "heart of the family;" to bring everyone together and to enjoy the gift of family -- joy, love and support. 

Less than 5 years later, play that story on repeat. But this time, we were brought together by Faith. My aunt passed away from cancer. Her battle with the disease was hard on everyone; it truly tested our strength and love. At my uncle's request, she stopped fighting. He was ready to move on, regardless of whether or not others were ready to see her end her battle with the disease so suddenly. We again did a family memorial Tour de Oregon in the early summer to celebrate her life and "spread" her ashes.

Our trip to celebrate Faith's life taught me a lot about family, my family in particular. I realized more than ever how much I valued a cohesive band of people. It opened my eyes and heart even more to the belief that family is not defined by "blood." I thank God for the relatives and family I have been blessed with. They are core to my life. But, I also know family is more about loving others unconditionally because you're invested in their happiness, success and growth as individuals. 

On Memorial Day, I don't only remember my mom's parents, Brad and Janet, and her sister, Faith. I also remember my Grandma BamBam. She's my dad's mom; she's named after her dead dog. Everyone in town called her "Grandma BamBam." It's even how the local newspaper referred to her in articles. She truly taught us to take the bull by the horns, embrace life, do what makes you happy and to be comfortable with being unique. She visited every single one of the Prosser grandkid's elementary classes to teach all the kiddos how to crow like Peter Pan. Taught us the names of the Seven Dwarfs. Made us learn to count backwards from 100 long before we were 5 by having us sing "100 Bottles of Beer on the Wall." And led the Clubhouse Gang on a journey to create our own adventures as we enjoyed Voodo juice, candy bars and pancakes. She also taught us and our friends all sorts of other important life lessons. After having a stroke a year before, she passed away a week after I started my first full-time, permanent job at Utah State. We celebrated her life exactly how she wanted -- a family gathering. No memorial service and no big hoopla. Everyone that could make it headed to Prosser for the weekend and spent time together. Next weekend we'll gather in Prosser again for my twin cousin's graduation and a family reunion. We'll remember Grandma BamBam by celebrating the joys and accomplishments of family and by being together -- just like she would want. 

[Spreading Ashes Story: I refer to our memorial trips as "Dumping Festivities." Festivities sounds like fun, which those trips were all about -- enjoying time together as a family. Trip doesn't do justice to the explanation of the adventure. Dumping, well, that's pretty self-explanatory. It doesn't matter what you do, there isn't really a graceful way to 'spread' ashes. And, we were not what you defined as 'classy.' 

We went to the Abiqua River by Silverton, Oregon as one of our stops to spread my grandpa's ashes. He wanted divided. How better to do that than with reused Philadelphia Cream Cheese containers?! Yea... You got it. We scooped out a container full of his ashes and took the plastic bag (in the urn-like container) with the rest of the ashes to hold over the river in the wind. Lucky for Faith and the rest of us, the wind was blowing in the opposite direction we were all standing. Then, when we got to stop number two, the Oregon Coast, we proceeded with our mission. My grandma wanted 'split' too. Again, my aunts took out another reused plastic food container. My grandpa wanted a part of him to be spread with grandma on the coast. What better way to achieve that than to literally mix the ashes in the plastic bag?! Like I said, we were the definition of something other than classy. Then, keep in mind, the constant Oregon Coast breeze... the sand and any ashes mixed in it on-shore will eventually make it to the ocean, right?! Well, that was the hope when the breeze caught some of the ashes.

Also, you don't actually spread ashes like fertilizer in a garden. You gently pour them in more or less one spot. Pouring plus not classy equals dumping. And fun adventure(s) equals festivities. Therefore, a Jeffries' clan memorial trip equals Dumping Festivities.]

This memorial day weekend was most   definitely focused on remembering loved ones no longer here. But, it was celebrated how they would want time spent -- enjoying life, spending time with those you care about and finding time to be with family. Next weekend will be Memorial Day round 2 of 2013 as we have Childers' Family Fun Fest 2.0 in Prosser. I and others will follow the direction of my mom's dad and be the "heart of the family." We will help everyone focus on enjoying the gift of family through joy, love and support. 

Lean In as an Example: Follow. Lead. Be.

After not being a reader for quite some time, I'm regaining an appreciation for time spent with my nose in a book. I just finished Sheryl Sandberg's "Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead." 

Ever read a book and think, "This is talking directly to me!"? This is the second book within six months that has invoked this thought. The first was Beaudine's "The Power of Who." Although I have some of my own tweeks to his thought process, I have believed his main concepts for a while. Before reading his book, I just couldn't grasp how to articulate my thoughts on mentoring, circles of relationships and roles of varying people in your life. No need for me to articulate it though, Beaudine did just fine. 

Then, there's "Lean In." I acknowledge there's issues with the gender complex in our societies and the world as a whole. It's a work in progress, which Sandberg articulates. But, through her words, I much more clear understanding for what was only a glimpse of understanding before. Her book and key points are made all the more powerful by research. I'm a number and figures gal. Per Persogenics, I'm dominant and analytical. Per DiSC, I'm conscientious and dominant. I'm that person that's grown up being told, "you're bossy" when I move forward with a well-formulated plan and refuse to sit on my hands or to be ordered around by boys. Regardless of my internal conflict, I try to move forward with confidence and stand my ground. Needless to say, how Sandberg presented leaning in through facts, figures, stories and personal accounts directly appealed to me and helped me to best learn and comprehend the concepts shared throughout her novel. 

I've thought about my goals - professionally and personally. In all my thinking and planning, both types of goals have been integral to one another. I already know, without a doubt, I want to be a working mom. I want to have a career and want my [future] kids to see me pursue work I'm passionate about. I also want them to be involved in my pursuits. I know I want to have kids and be a loving, involved parent that's unconditionally supportive. In the most ideal world, I would continue to career in college athletics as I raise kids. I will take them to sporting events, family media days, and the sorts. They will not be blind to the industry and career I pursue. But, on the same token, I'll be able to leave work at work so I can take them to their own practices, games, lessons, parties, etc. As Sandberg suggests though, I don't want to leave before I leave. I want to allow flexibility to my plan that may change drastically. I want to be fully invested until I'm on my way to the delivery room and completely invested in my child and my work after I return from maternity leave. I hope with my pre-conceived ideas I'm ahead of the curve; I won't leave the game too early. 

Then, there's another thing, mentoring. I learned a lot about my beliefs and perceptions on mentoring when I read Beaudine's book. But, then I learned even more about myself as I read "Lean In." I do not know that I've ever walked person to person asking, "Will you be my mentor?" But, I have invested myself in others and them in me. Those are some of my most powerful mentor relationships. At different points during my work day and personal time, if ever I'm doubting myself or don't have an instant reply, there's usually a voice in the back of mind. It's the voice of a mentor asking a key question or reiterating a key teaching point they previously made; those 'voices' lead me through my decision making. As Sandberg mentions, peer mentors are equally as important as vetran mentors. Some of my greatest sources of support, guidance and teaching are my peers. We have an equivalent or semi-equivalent title, we have almost the same number of years of experience, and we have great wisdom to share with one another. Also, as much as I want others to invest in me as a mentor, I want to give back and invest in others as a mentor. It's a cycle that should never be broken. There is no question - it's a give and take; you cannot function successfully without one or the other. 

As I go forward each day, I hope I remember to lean in. And, in every situation I encounter, I hope I can remember that my personality and ambition in and of themselves directly challenge societal norms. I will face challenges and scrutiny everyday put in place by myself and others because of my gender, but only be leaning in and confronting those that discredit me and my approach because I'm a woman will I succeed. 

Follow an example. Lead by example. Be an example. 

#Subtweet Struggles

One of my greatest struggles is taking my own advice. On a regular basis I offer up all sorts of 'words of wisdom' to those I interact with daily. Over and over again, I tell people: have confidence in yourself; stand up for yourself; be open and honest with others; make your actions align with your values; and don't put yourself in a situation where you're undervalued. All to often I also say, "Take your own advice."

What do I fail to do?! Take my own advice. I let others make comments that discredit the time and work I have out forth. I put others, their needs and their self-value before myself. I all to frequently don't stand up for myself and lack confidence in my abilities. I choose not to be honest, because of fear. I fear my honesty will hurt someone else's feelings rather than only me being brought down. I allow myself be undervalued by others comments.

And, let's be real, if I cannot verbalize that which is really upsetting me, I sure as heck will not write it. Putting it in writing would make it real. I would have to deal with it. I would have to face the truth and confront the problem. That's too hard. Too many feelings would be hurt. Instead, I'll say a prayer and hope I don't crack under pressure.

Wondering & Wandering

"Not all who wander are lost." ~ J. R. R. Tolkien

"Not until we're lost do we begin to find ourselves." ~Henry David Thoreau

Ever feel as if you haven't gone anywere and haven't been searching for anything, but know you're lost? It's as if you know you don't have a defined direction leading you to live every moment in pursuing the good life, but there's nowhere to turn. 

Maybe, just maybe, through the wandering and wondering there will be an epiphany, a light at the end of the tunnel, some defining moment. In the meantime, put on a smile, be the best version of you, and be a powerful presence in the lives of your WHO. While searching and when found, have faith and live a life filled with unconditional love and support for your family. 

Family: A Blessing & A Distraction

Tonight I was asked a question. I knew my position and how I felt, but I could not articulate it to convey my exact message. The question was to the affect of:  What toxic environments exist that bring you down and create distractions in your pursuit of the Word and your relationship with God?

One of my core values is family. It's at the core of everything I do. Family is my value term for relationships. In my life there are three key types of relationships. First, my relationship with God. Second, my relationship with myself. Finally, my relationships with others. 

One reason I chose the word "family" over others to define what is foundational in my life is because of relationships with others. I prefer to operate with the belief that others deserve unconditional love and support. Others may choices contrary to how I would. They may have different values or goals than me. They may walk a different path. But, still, others should and will receive unconditional care. Even when others frustrate me, make me angry or upset me because of their actions or words, a love still exists. As I stumble and struggle with a relationship with others, I must pray, forgive and move foward in  the relationship. Anyone I love is part of my family. My family changes as I change. As I move through life, my family grows. Love has no capacity and neither does our family.

As for the three relationships, it starts with the 'self' relationship. I stand by the belief that you must first be able to find happiness and contentment within yourself. You need to love yourself unconditionally before you can build solid relationships with others filled with unconditional love and support. For me, a key to that relationship with myself is a foundation in faith and my first relationship -- the one with God. 

My "family" relationships with others are based on faith. God forgave our sins. He continues to love us unconditionally regardless of our actions and words. If we continue to open our hearts to him and accept Him, we will have a relationship. As I pursue a relationship with God, I falter. But, as I stumble I still try to be follow in the path of Christ. Part of following the path is a foundation in relationships. You "pour on the love" and share God's Word through relationships. Within my conviction is the understanding that you cannot demonstrate Christian qualities, such as unconditional love and support, or share the Word without interaction (and relationships) with others. 

The relationship with God himself, is foundational in my "family." It's a personal relationship requires I let Him into my heart. It is ever-growing and changing as I live a worldly life filled with distractions. It's also a relationship that should be shared with others. I can serve my Lord and Saviour by pouring into others however He chooses to use me. I also accept life as part of His family as a Christian. 

As I pursue my worldly passion day-to-day, I constantly encounter distractions. As others who are my superior or peers act in a way that does not focus on relationships and ask that I do the same, I am faced with a constant struggle. If I do not honor the importance of pouring into others, I am denying how I'm called to serve and my faith. If I focus on 'pushing paper' and simply pleasing others, I would also be making a conscious effort to let these distractions bring me down and push me further away from the family I want to be a part of. It's through "family," including the relationships I have with others, I can continue to remain strong in my faith and be reminded of His word. And, through prayer I can continue to seek guidance in how to best serve Him. 

I acknowledge and realize that it is often times the words and actions conveyed through relationships with others that create distractions and feed into a toxic environment. However, without relationships the "family" does not exist. I continue to pray that we will be surrounded with relationships that build us up and bring us closer to God and limit the distractions present. It's through Him we will overcome distractions that enter our path and be a strong member of His family. 

As I go forward, I pray that we are blessed as we pursue a life filled with unconditional love and support of others. And, that our hearts remain open so we can best serve others who are a part of His family, seek to a part of His family or that He seeks to be welcomed to his family. I pray that we continue to walk in faith as distractions try to interrupt our journey and pursuit of God. Amen.