The power of an "ah ha" moment.

Today's only 'rules.' No holding back. Write freely and honestly. Do not fear being judged. Be confident in feelings, thoughts and opinions. 

I'm in no position to have complaints about life at this point. I can gripe about putting in extra hours at work, being tired, or not having my every wish and desire met. But, really, I'm in no position to submit a 'real' complaint about an unfair amount of bumps in the road as I follow life's path. 

I went a few days lacking excitement for incredible blessings bestowed to my family and I. The biggest struggle was not being able to justify my lack of genuine excitement and trying to display forced enthusiasm to prevent questioning. When I finally had my "ah ha" moment I lacked the feeling of relief I had been hoping for. The moment of self-realization shed light on an explanation that could not be verbalized. Something that had no place in being shared with others. The "ah ha" would do nothing more than make it seem as if I was seeking pity, am ungrateful for what I have, and am unsupportive of others joy. But, just as quickly as I had that "ah ha" moment and did not know how to react and proceed, I was humbled. I know I will have to deal and move on. 

Having to deal and move on is easier said than done. It requires dependency on others, not self-sufficiency. When someone's entire world comes crashing down, you have to support them as they deal with the circumstances and help them to gain the strength to move forward down life's path. They are dependent on your support, direct or indirect, which is key to successfully making it through the grieving and healing processes. 

Sometimes taking action or speaking what's on your mind when you have your "ah ha" moment is not what you need to focus on. Sometimes silent self-realization is all you need or all you get. Sometimes once you have your "ah ha" moment, what you need to do next is help someone else find theirs. Your best healing tool is helping others. 

If this were Twitter, it would be an incredibly lengthy subtweet. If I could verbalize the 'unspeakable' truths, this would still not accurately portray my internal struggles. If this were a private, hand-written journal, this would still read the same way, with the only difference being a lot of whiteout, scribbles, etc.