This favorite weekend is all about camping, BBQs and an extra day off work. Well, not quite... It's a day of remembrance. It's a day to celebrate the lives of those that live on in your heart.
This weekend is significant - it's the 8 year anniversary of my maternal grandparents' memorial service and the first of the Jeffries clan's Dumping Festivities family adventures.
My mom's parents passed away only a few days apart in February of my freshman year at college. It was a tough time for the family; but, we celebrated my grandparents per their orders... together over a Tour de Oregon vacation with several memorial ash dumping stops along the way. We had a joint memorial service at the church my grandfather had been a pastor at to start the weekend. We then made the journey to several places where my grandparents wanted to have their ashes spread. [A quick story on "spreading" those ashes below.] It was an amazing trip because we were surrounded by family and love the whole long weekend. And, how better to honor and remember my grandparents than on Memorial Day weekend. The weekend was truly about bringing the family together and sharing our love for one another. As appointed by my grandfather and my aunts and uncle, I coordinated our memorial trip. It was my assigned and assumed role to be the "heart of the family;" to bring everyone together and to enjoy the gift of family -- joy, love and support.
Less than 5 years later, play that story on repeat. But this time, we were brought together by Faith. My aunt passed away from cancer. Her battle with the disease was hard on everyone; it truly tested our strength and love. At my uncle's request, she stopped fighting. He was ready to move on, regardless of whether or not others were ready to see her end her battle with the disease so suddenly. We again did a family memorial Tour de Oregon in the early summer to celebrate her life and "spread" her ashes.
Our trip to celebrate Faith's life taught me a lot about family, my family in particular. I realized more than ever how much I valued a cohesive band of people. It opened my eyes and heart even more to the belief that family is not defined by "blood." I thank God for the relatives and family I have been blessed with. They are core to my life. But, I also know family is more about loving others unconditionally because you're invested in their happiness, success and growth as individuals.
On Memorial Day, I don't only remember my mom's parents, Brad and Janet, and her sister, Faith. I also remember my Grandma BamBam. She's my dad's mom; she's named after her dead dog. Everyone in town called her "Grandma BamBam." It's even how the local newspaper referred to her in articles. She truly taught us to take the bull by the horns, embrace life, do what makes you happy and to be comfortable with being unique. She visited every single one of the Prosser grandkid's elementary classes to teach all the kiddos how to crow like Peter Pan. Taught us the names of the Seven Dwarfs. Made us learn to count backwards from 100 long before we were 5 by having us sing "100 Bottles of Beer on the Wall." And led the Clubhouse Gang on a journey to create our own adventures as we enjoyed Voodo juice, candy bars and pancakes. She also taught us and our friends all sorts of other important life lessons. After having a stroke a year before, she passed away a week after I started my first full-time, permanent job at Utah State. We celebrated her life exactly how she wanted -- a family gathering. No memorial service and no big hoopla. Everyone that could make it headed to Prosser for the weekend and spent time together. Next weekend we'll gather in Prosser again for my twin cousin's graduation and a family reunion. We'll remember Grandma BamBam by celebrating the joys and accomplishments of family and by being together -- just like she would want.
[Spreading Ashes Story: I refer to our memorial trips as "Dumping Festivities." Festivities sounds like fun, which those trips were all about -- enjoying time together as a family. Trip doesn't do justice to the explanation of the adventure. Dumping, well, that's pretty self-explanatory. It doesn't matter what you do, there isn't really a graceful way to 'spread' ashes. And, we were not what you defined as 'classy.'
We went to the Abiqua River by Silverton, Oregon as one of our stops to spread my grandpa's ashes. He wanted divided. How better to do that than with reused Philadelphia Cream Cheese containers?! Yea... You got it. We scooped out a container full of his ashes and took the plastic bag (in the urn-like container) with the rest of the ashes to hold over the river in the wind. Lucky for Faith and the rest of us, the wind was blowing in the opposite direction we were all standing. Then, when we got to stop number two, the Oregon Coast, we proceeded with our mission. My grandma wanted 'split' too. Again, my aunts took out another reused plastic food container. My grandpa wanted a part of him to be spread with grandma on the coast. What better way to achieve that than to literally mix the ashes in the plastic bag?! Like I said, we were the definition of something other than classy. Then, keep in mind, the constant Oregon Coast breeze... the sand and any ashes mixed in it on-shore will eventually make it to the ocean, right?! Well, that was the hope when the breeze caught some of the ashes.
Also, you don't actually spread ashes like fertilizer in a garden. You gently pour them in more or less one spot. Pouring plus not classy equals dumping. And fun adventure(s) equals festivities. Therefore, a Jeffries' clan memorial trip equals Dumping Festivities.]
This memorial day weekend was most definitely focused on remembering loved ones no longer here. But, it was celebrated how they would want time spent -- enjoying life, spending time with those you care about and finding time to be with family. Next weekend will be Memorial Day round 2 of 2013 as we have Childers' Family Fun Fest 2.0 in Prosser. I and others will follow the direction of my mom's dad and be the "heart of the family." We will help everyone focus on enjoying the gift of family through joy, love and support.
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